"Waiting for My Feelings to Get Hurt."

The 'I" in any song is not necessarily the songwriter or the singer. E.G., Neil Young did not shoot his baby "Down by the River." Or Bob Dylan did not marry "Isis" on the 5th day of day.

The "I" in this song is a troubled, anxious character and not the happy-go-lucky chill dude that I really am. I  wrote the words "I'm waiting for my feelings to get hurt," to a friend and it sounded like a good start to country flavored song. So here it is....

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 The chord progression for the verse is I-V-bV11-IV. This is a popular progression. You can hear it in "Satellite of Love (Lou Reed), Rio (Duran Duran), Linger(Cranberries) and "Build Me Up Buttercup (The Foundations) and now "Waiting for My Feelings to Get Hurt (Don Shearn)

My latte didn’t taste that good (1)/seemed light on the foam
Had to wonder if I could/ leave well enough alone
What was the likelihood / that they would have known
My order had been misunderstood/I should just go home
Or kill another afternoon/scrolling on my phone

And accept it that soon/you may eat another scone  (2)

1. Amy Shearn, novelist and Jello mold aficionado, wrote in the novel, Unseen City  about New York denizen "with their espressos and flat whites..." This lead to an e-mail chain with an old friend (I mean a really old friend, like 50 year type) about the distinction between flat white and latte. In general, a flat white has thinner layer of foam than a latte. 

2. One of the common criticisms of my writing since grade school has been the tendency to insert a joke-pun-smart aleck remark which can be a distraction from the piece. I got the same critique when I took improv classes. Trying to come up with the joke instead of advancing the story.  Well, I did it again.  Maybe the times aren't a-changing.

I’m waiting for my feelings to get hurt

I keep my defenses / all on high alert

An eye roll or inflection   

Can’t escape my detection

When I’m waiting for my feelings to get hurt

Seems to happen every day/every place I go

I get dissed in every way/by people I don’t know

It might be a game they play/ to find a stone to throw

I just want to hideaway/ but don’t know where to go

It could be a stranger (3)/ that I read online

That makes me feel a danger/ to my peace of mind

I look back in anger (4)/at the folks who’ve been unkind

I have to let it linger (5)/I don’t leave these things behind

3. Clip in the video is from the 1967 film, "The Stranger. impressively depressing film of an impressively depressing book.

4. "Look Back in Anger," a depressing play and movie from the 1950s.

5. See Cranberries above.

I’m waiting for my feelings to get hurt

I keep my defenses / all on high alert

An eye roll or inflection   

Can’t escape my detection

When I’m waiting for my feelings to get hurt

Last time out I wrote a song/and sent it to a friend

I didn’t have to wait too long/ and he did not pretend

Your Geetar has a pleasant twang/but the song you penned

Didn’t too that much for me/and I can’t recommend (6)

6. It turns out that  a young woman, Madilyn Bailey wrote and performed a song on America's Got Talent where the lyrics are "hate comments" that she got on youtube. Like "my mom thinks you just got killed by a cat." Maybe I'm too sensitive (or else I'm getting soft.)

I never asked for his critique/ Or the words he had to say

But it hurt me for that week/ and still hurts today

The situation’s not unique/ I can find a way

To turn a conversation bleak/it’s really child’s play

You’d think I’d stop the storming/and let the feelings pass

Yet, I’m not reforming/my outlook stays downcast

In the evening or the morning (7)/if you cross my path

If you wonder how I’m feeling/ don’t have to ask.

Genesis, Chapter 1, Verse 5 'And God called the light day, and the darkness He called night, and it was evening and it was morning, one day. ' There is considerable exegesis regarding the 'evening-morning' construction of this verse. Here is 14 pages in very small print. The question revolves around when does the Jewish day begin. For me, the day begins in the morning. After coffee, the New York Times and Wordle. 

I’m waiting for my feelings to get hurt

I keep my defenses / all on high alert

An eye roll or inflection   

Can’t escape my detection

When I’m waiting for my feelings to get hurt

"In the Trance"

In 2017, I was in treatment with Dr. William S. Levin (of blessed memory). In the introduction to his excellent book, "Finding the Ease,, Dr. Levin wrote....

Dr. Levin believed that without being aware of it we all live in a trance which began at birth. The helplessness of our very early childhood leaves emotional scars. When as adults we are frustrated or frightened, our "baby brain" can trigger those feelings of helplessness. 

In the course of our sessions. Dr. Levin reminded me that I was a grown person (about 65 at the time) and had the power to make changes in the my life. I had resources, assets and abilities to deal with adversities (real and/or imagined).

Our final sessions took place during the early days of the Trump administration. Dr. Levin asserted that our whole country was in a trance brought on by the election.

That thought has been bouncing around in the years since. There is unfinished novel somewhere around with this theme.

Now, there is a song. 

The melody for "In the Trance" borrows liberally (maybe even radically) from "Workingman's Blues #2" from Bob Dylan's 2006 album, Modern Times. That song has been on my nighttime playlist for the last 5 months. 

Dylan borrows his title from Merle Haggard's 1969 hit, "Workin' Man Blues." Haggard opened for Dylan during the Noble Laureate's 2005 tour. 

"Take what you have gathered for coincidence?"

The line "sleep is like a temporary death" is from "Two Portraits" by Henry Timrod.

Henry Timrod  (1828-1867)

It's the folk process. Also, "Love and Theft."

I used three tracks to record the song in Garageband.  For the the guitar track, I played an acoustic on the "crunch guitar/double driven" setting.  The drum track is a preset...(Darcy, blue ridge). I used the 'dance vocal" setting for the vocal track. This turned out to be an up tempo recording by my standards anyway. 

Film fans will notice clips from "Spellbound", the 1945 film by Alfred Hitchcock with a dream sequence designed by Salvador Dali. There is also a clip from Inception, the 2010 film by Christopher Nolan.

Thanks to Will Schutze aka Mr. Bonetangles, Willy James et al for use of his "Seventh Seal" clips.

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